What Helps and What Hurts
When someone you care about is living with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, it can be painful to watch them struggle with fears and self-criticism that feel overwhelming. You may want to reassure them, fix the situation, or convince them that their appearance is fine.
But BDD is not a problem of simple insecurity; it is a complex mental health condition that alters how a person sees themselves, how they interpret social interactions, and how they move through daily life. Supporting a loved one requires compassion, patience, and an understanding of the emotional burden they carry.
Understanding What They’re Going Through
BDD causes a person to fixate intensely on perceived flaws in their appearance—flaws that others may not even notice. But for the individual experiencing BDD, these concerns feel real, urgent, and deeply distressing. They may spend hours checking mirrors, covering or adjusting certain features, comparing themselves to others, or engaging in rituals designed to ease their anxiety.
Although these behaviours may seem puzzling from the outside, they are attempts to manage fear, shame, and a sense of threat. People with BDD are not choosing to worry excessively. They are trying to cope with internal distress that can feel unbearable.
Why Reassurance Doesn’t Help
A common impulse is to reassure your loved one: “You look great,” “There’s nothing wrong,” or “You’re being too hard on yourself.” While well-intentioned, reassurance rarely decreases their distress. In many cases, it strengthens the cycle. Temporary relief from reassurance reinforces the fear that something bad might happen if they don’t hear it again.
Reassurance also unintentionally draws the conversation deeper into appearance-based thinking, when the goal is to help them focus on emotions, values, and experiences rather than the perceived flaw itself.
What Compassionate Support Looks Like
Support is not about evaluating their appearance—it is about understanding their emotional experience. Instead of reassurance, statements grounded in empathy can reduce shame and create safety:
- “I can see how much this is hurting you.”
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “I care about how you’re feeling, and I want to support you.”
These responses validate the person rather than their fear. Validating does not mean agreeing with their thoughts; it means acknowledging their distress is real.
When Conversations Become Difficult
Individuals with BDD often feel embarrassed or afraid to talk about their symptoms. They may fear being judged or dismissed, especially if past attempts to open up were met with misunderstanding. Some people may even avoid discussing their concerns altogether, hoping the feelings will go away.
If your loved one hesitates to talk, gently let them know you are available when they are ready. Avoid pushing for details or asking to see the perceived flaw. Curiosity about the specifics can make them feel scrutinized and unsafe.
Encouraging Healthy Boundaries and Routines
BDD can significantly disrupt daily life. Some people avoid photos, mirrors, social interactions, or activities they once enjoyed. Others may spend extensive time preparing to leave the house or change outfits repeatedly.
You can help by supporting routines that bring stability:
- Encourage participation in activities unrelated to appearance
- Offer gentle reminders of plans without pressuring them
- Help reduce avoidance by creating low-stress opportunities for connection
- Celebrate efforts, not outcomes
These small steps create openings for moments of relief and reconnection.
What to Avoid When Offering Support
Even with good intentions, some responses can accidentally increase distress. It helps to be mindful of:
- Commenting on their appearance (“You look great today”)
- Analyzing the perceived flaw (“I don’t really see what you’re talking about”)
- Comparing them to others
- Suggesting cosmetic procedures
- Urging them to “just stop worrying.”
- Becoming frustrated or dismissive
None of these approaches reduces the emotional pain of BDD. Instead, they can reinforce shame or deepen the belief that they must manage the problem alone.
Recognizing When Professional Support Is Needed
Loved ones play an important role, but BDD often requires specialized treatment. If symptoms are causing significant distress, isolation, or disruptions in daily functioning, encouraging professional support can make a meaningful difference. Evidence-based therapy helps individuals challenge the fears, beliefs, and behaviours that maintain BDD. When introduced gently and respectfully, the idea of treatment can feel less intimidating.
How the Behavioural Wellness Clinic Supports Individuals and Families
At the Behavioural Wellness Clinic, clinicians understand how confusing and painful it can be to watch someone you care about struggle with BDD. Many families arrive feeling unsure of what to say or how to help without making things worse. BWC works closely with both individuals and their loved ones to provide clarity, guidance, and a supportive framework for healing.
Clinicians take time to understand each person’s story—including the ups and downs, the moments of hope, and the barriers that have made change difficult. Treatment is grounded in compassion and paced according to the individual’s readiness, ensuring they feel safe as they learn new ways to respond to fear, shame, and avoidance. The Behavioural Wellness Clinic also offers guidance for families, helping them understand the disorder and communicate in ways that reduce pressure and strengthen connection. Support is not limited to the individual; it extends to everyone walking the path alongside them.